


Not a Minute

by twowritehands



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Agender Character, Bottom Spencer Reid, Fluff and Smut, Gender Identity, Gender Nullification, Nullo!Reid, Other, Pan!Hotch, Pansexual Character, non-binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 06:24:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twowritehands/pseuds/twowritehands
Summary: Reid is Agender and undergoes gender nullification surgery.





	Not a Minute

**Author's Note:**

> challenged myself to keep this short and sweet instead of a sprawling epic

Only Hotch knew and only because it was regulation that he be informed of these things. The memo showed up on his desk the first day after Reid took all of his vacation days at once. Like everyone else on the team, Hotch had assumed the young genius was going to divide his three weeks between his mother and his academic pursuits

However, the memo written in Dr. Reid’s distinct penmanship told a far different story. He would be undergoing elective surgery. Gender _nullification_ surgery.

Hotch shouldn't have been surprised. Literally, he _shouldn't_ have been--he was a trained profiler for _god’s_ sake--but he was. So surprised, in fact, that he spit out his sip of coffee. He read the memo once, twice and then three times. Reid relayed information about the hospital, the names of his doctors, and the appointed time of the surgery, where he would convalesce and how much time he would need. He promised that by the end of his vacation days he would be back to work--as if _that_ was what Hotch would be most concerned about!

The only explanation given was a short and unsatisfactory one.

_I need to feel right in my own body. It's my wish that you say nothing to the others yet. I want to tell them on my own._

Hotch was in equal combinations bewildered and outraged and he didn't know who he was more upset with: himself, for not seeing this coming, or Reid for coming out of left field with it like it was nothing and offering very little to explain himself.

Spencer Reid had always been incredibly private and utterly eccentric but-- _this_?

The only thing Hotch could point to that would have hinted at something like this was the young man’s depression and history of substance abuse--but those only applied retrospectively. No way did those two things exclusively hint at gender dysphoria… How could Hotch have not gotten even the _smallest_ suspicion to this end? After HOW MANY YEARS of working so closely with him?

None of it, of course, would stand. Hotch made arrangements for Jack and got on a plane that night; he needed answers, but more than that he needed his colleague--his _friend--_ to look him in the eye and prove that this wasn't some kind of half baked madness.

Hotch needed to see it and hear it for himself even though he knew it _couldn't_ be some crazy whim. Gender nullification wasn't exactly a same-day sign up and cut situation. The hoops and red tape he would have had to go through to get to this point meant Reid must have been working toward this end for quite some time yet--not a word to _any_ of them?

Hotch got to the hospital Reid had specified and was told that Dr. Reid was already out of surgery. Gulping, he stepped into the hospital room. On the bed, Spencer looked up from a thick book and beamed at him. He looked-- _exactly_ the same. Long hair. Scruffy jaw. Prominent Adam’s Apple.

“Hotch!”

“Reid,” He greeted, stunned. “I got your memo--how? What--”

“Must have been a big shock, huh?” Reid asked brightly.

Hotch huffed. “Yeah, a little. How are you feeling?”

“Well, I won't let them give me opiates so I’m sore. To understate it just a little.”

For all he ever saw or heard or read, Hotch was genuinely horrified. His own balls tried to jump up into his abdomen to protect themselves.

“It's not so bad if I don't move around too much.”

“Reid!” Hotch rushed forward. “How could I not know about this? How can doctors sign off on this?”

“You didn't know because it is my private business and a shrink signed off on it because it's what I need to be the self I feel that I am. Not male. And not female.”

“Why didn't you tell me you're non binary?”

“He/His pronouns and the name my mother gave me sit perfectly well with me. My wardrobe will stay the same. It was only my penis that was wrong. I won’t be getting breasts, and I opted for only partial sexual reassignment surgery.”

“Partial?” Hotch echoed, in disbelief.

“I have a labia and clitoris now but they didn't do the vaginoplasty.”

Hotch blushed. God save him, he couldn't help it. “Ried, I-I _know_ what gender nullification with a partial SRS entails. I just meant--this would have required a great deal of thought. And planning. And I don't get so much as a word about it until you're already gone?”

Reid grinned sheepishly and looked down at his hands in his lap. Licking his lips and tucking hair behind one ear, he continued with his sweet grin aimed at his thumbnail. “The only thing that will be different--aside from my own contentedness inside my body-- is that when someone assumes I'm a lesbian they won't be so far off the mark.”

By now Hotch was smiling, too, because he sensed the newfound peace within his teammate. “Spencer, you have to see that your approach to this is _highly_ unconventional.”

“I have to live my life my way, right?”

“Of course.” Hotch sat on the edge of the bed. His voice had gone soft. “But how did I not know?”

A crease showed up on Reid’s forehead between his brows. “I told you, I didn't want anyone to know.”

Feeling bold enough to act on what he had so far left alone, Hotch took Reid’s hand. “Not even me?”

They were both nervous. He sensed in the younger agent the same breathless rush that swept through him head to toe. Reid curled his fingers between Hotch's.

“You I couldn't tell most of all, Aaron.”

“What is that supposed--"

“No. Listen. We've been… talking. And, you know, eating and laughing together. A lot. There's this energy between us?”

Hotch, biting back his smile, nodded. Energy, yes. Hell yes. Enough damn energy to send him straight from finding that memo in his office to finding this hospital room seven states away.

Reid licked his lips and looked away with a blush but squeezed Hotch’s hand. “I thought if I let you know about my dysphoria then you would start diagnosing me and our dynamic would change. We would only talk about that.”

“Spencer, I know the job is hard to turn off sometimes but it's not like I wouldn't have understood. As contradictory as it seems, identifying as non binary is pretty straight forward.”

Reid cracked up. Hotch got that rush he always got when he made the genius laugh.

“You could have told _me_. We would have stayed up all night on the phone again like that time Jack was sick and I needed company. And when you wanted to, I would have moved on to other topics.”

“yeah but,” Reid huffed. “You would have kept me as a friend only and moved on to flirt with someone else.” His voice cracked. “I would have lost the chance for the “more” I felt we were heading toward.”

Hotch lost his breath. “I wouldn't have lost interest just because you shared the real you instead of some perfectly painted on personality.”

“Really?”

“I'm still interested. I'm shocked. Stunned. _Baffled_ as to how you could keep something this huge from a friend, but… I like women. I like men.” He shrugged. “I like a neutral person right in the middle.”

With a bright expression and a nervous giggle, Reid made a sudden movement to lean in for a kiss, but he then hissed and tensed and eased back down carefully. Startled, Hotch could see intense pain in Reid's expression and the tremor in his hands. He gripped one of Reid’s hands in both his own.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“No opiates,” Reid grit through clenched teeth. “Just…” he breathed evenly and stayed still. At length he relaxed. “I forgot for a second. Moved too suddenly.”

“What can I get for you?”

“I'm okay.” He was embarrassed. Hotch recalled that Reid had hurt himself leaning forward to kiss him.

“Interesting choice for a first kiss story,” Hotch whispered, bringing Reid's knuckles to his lips to kiss them.

Blushing, the young doctor said nothing.

“What changed, Reid?” Hotch asked. “You wouldn't tell me for fear of losing me--but wouldn't you have had the same fears about having the surgery?”

“Well yes. Of course. I was terrified that you wouldn't want a nullo. But I had to do this for _me_ , Aaron. Between a great boyfriend and feeling at home in my body, my priorities were pretty clear. I just… I put off telling you what I was planning because I wanted to keep you for as long as I could. Just in case you weren't into it.”

Hotch moved carefully so as not to jostle the bed as he leaned in and pressed his mouth the Reid's. The kiss was short but succulent and when Hotch pulled away, the stunned look on Reid's face could have sustained him for a lifetime. Priceless.

“Worries gone?” Hotch asked and bumped noses.

Reid’s smile was the picture definition of joy. “Hotch! I don't have a penis or a vagina, and I have an amazing man at my bedside to hold my hand and kiss me.” He laughed and tears welled in his shining eyes. “I have never been less worry-free in my entire life!”

: : : :

Reid told them each individually, in ways specific to his Friendship with the person. He got an array of reactions. Shock, obviously. But then also curiosity and even a little anger over secret keeping. Mostly there were tears because once he started explaining how he reached the decision and how it made him feel, his eyes were wet and if he cried they cried.

JJ, Emily, and Penny got to the juicy questions over glasses of wine at JJ’s place. It was the standard girls night that he had been a part of for years, only now there was a definite slant to it that slid him even closer to the heart of it. No longer was he the honorary pet on the sidelines, the puppy they adored.

Now that he had a clit, certain Topics were now open for discussion. He was one of them now, privy to all. He bit his lips to fight a grin as they went into vivid detail about their first orgasms, achieved alone in typical prepubescent masturbatory ways.

They shared for him, and the whole thing was this Rite of Passage that brought a sparkling tear to the corner of Reid's eye. It was a beautiful thing and he felt blessed to have such a group of friends so willing to envelop him in a world he hadn't been born to.

“You’ll love it,” JJ promised into her wine glass.

“Oh, I do. It feels spectacular.”

Cat calls and shrieks of happiness erupted from the drunk women. Reid realized they misunderstood him and in a fit of braggadocio said as casually as he could, “but alone sounds like it might be good too.”

Gasps and spit takes went all around. Penny took a death grip on his arm. “ _What_? Not alone? Who? What? Where?”

“Tell us!” Emily roared, banging the table. The other two joined until the ruckus was enough for Reid to worry about them waking Henry. He surrendered, batting his palms so they would settle down.

“I have a boyfriend.” On the spot, he couldn't do it. Now wasn't the time to reveal he was dating The Boss. “He’s, uh. A very talented kisser?”

More gasps and sharp giggles wrenched from the girls. Extra death grips joined Penny’s. JJ was super fidgety with pent up excitement. Penny was glowing and Emily looked hungry for more details.

“Who is he?”

“How'd you meet?”

Reid wavered. He would need to choose his words carefully here. “A friend introduced us. He's so great. He was the first person I told, actually, that I was getting the surgery.”

“Before _us?_ ” Penny said. “Oh my God. _Who is this man?”_

“Sounds like he means a lot to you.” Emily surmised.

Reid nodded mutely. Those emotions were still too powerful to put into words. It sent his heart racing just thinking about it. He was in love.

“I'm still not ready for you all to meet him. But I promise when I am…”

“Pictures!”

“No.”

“Aw. Come on. Why not?”

“Because it's all still pretty new for us, with my new body. I'm not rushing it.”

They understood. But no way were they letting him off the hook. They wanted more details about how he lost his new virginity and how soon it had been post the surgery.

Reid dished, ready to share this amazing story with his closest friends. Even while leaving out the part about being friends with the guy for over ten years, it was still pretty great. How he had deliberately refrained from self exploration, knowing his boyfriend would be honored to show him. And all the sweet things Hotch had said as he took that honor. The mood he had set for the private welcome home party. The heights one man's mouth could take a person. The depth a clitoris orgasm could spread through his body--Reid decided in the back of his mind that when he got home tonight he was going to experiment with a vibrator and see if anything could match Hotch’s techniques. He doubted it. With Hotch licking his new slit, he'd never unloaded so much in his life.

“Wait wait wait,” Emily cried and by the look on all of their faces, she wasn't alone in her surprise. “You still ejaculate? What the hell? You don't have balls anymore!”

“No, but I still have the precum and seminal fluid vessels.”

“Just not the sperm,” JJ intoned with a nod.

“Exactly, the substance I produce won't ever get anyone pregnant.”

They cackled and laughed and conversation careened into female ejaculation. Only JJ had ever squirted, and only ever from cliteroral orgasm after a marathon night. “Penetrative doesn't get me to that particular place,” she shrugged.

“That’s because penetrative orgasms are a whole different beast,” Emily drawled.

“No, no, guys!” Penny cried. “We can't talk about penetrative orgasm. Spencer only has a clit.”

“No, but I still have a prostate,” He smiled. “I can experience penetrative orgasm as easily as any of you.”

“Not if we're talking about anal,” Emily said with a shudder. “I have never come from anal. Ever.”

“Shame,” Spencer tilted his head at her cattily and Emily threw a pillow at him to uproarious laughter.

The rest of the evening carried on with good natured teasing and prying questions that Reid navigated exceptionally well. His and Aaron’s decision to keep their relationship secret for the last month had afforded him plenty of practice.

It just made sense not to hit everyone with too much at one time. It was Reid’s choice to come out as a nullo first. Maybe if he gave them time to adjust to the idea of his neutral gender then when they learned of a romantic relationship the questions would not be so directed towards their love life and they could maintain some privacy.

Maybe gushing all about his orgasms blurred that line a little but that was the wine’s fault. Maybe they would be too drunk to remember the details in the morning. If not then Hotch was getting some knowing looks when they came out in the office.

He took an Uber home. Inside his apartment, he didn't even turn on any lights. He stripped down to his panties and called Aaron. It rang several times which meant the man was obviously asleep, but Reid didn't care. He needed to hear his voice.

“Spence?” He sounded groggy but alarmed. “Alright?”

“Yeah. Hmmh.” Reid said breathy. “I was just having wine with the girls. We talked a lot. Didn’t use your name but I told them about you. Us. The things you do to me.”

A beat and then Hotch half whispered. “Good.”

“It was good. I feel so happy right now, Aaron. I needed to hear your voice.” He walked on his knees up the center of his bed and curled up there.

“I'm glad you called. I was dreaming about you.”

“Really? What was I doing?”

Hotch drew in a deep breath and pushed it into the phone, a static burst. “Just being you. It was a great dream.”

Reid gulped. The girls had all talked about pillows. He folded one and put it between his thighs. “I got some tips on masterbation.”

His lips smacked loudly with an explosive little laugh. “Sounds like a very informative night.”

Reid started rubbing himself against the pillow. It felt interesting. He closed his eyes. “It was. So special. They consider me one of them now even though I don't have a vagina. I feel as if i have the best of both worlds.”

“That's great. I know they are each so proud of you. Gender reassignment is such a big step. You make it look so easy.”

Reid giggled. “I only changed one little thing. It'd be different if I identified as female and changed my full appearance.”

“True. But you are still amazing. The challenges you've overcome, the wisdom you've garnered. You put us all to shame any day of the week.”

Reid decided the pillow was kind of boring. He got up and dug through a drawer. The room spun a little. “I'm drunk right now. The floor is rocking under my feet.”

“Drink some water before you go to sleep.”

Reid pushed his hair back out of his eyes and turned on the toy. It hummed loudly, reminding him of why he'd shoved it in a drawer the day he got it. He slipped it between his legs and slid his knees together. The vibration entered him and took his breath. Wow.

“Keep talking to me…” he whispered. “I like the sound of your voice better than the sound of the vibrator.”

“Spence…” Hotch sounded winded, like he caught a medicine ball in the gut. “Where did you get one of those?”

“Amazon. It was a gift from me to me. For completing the surgery. Haven't used it yet. You sort of beat it to the punch.”

Hotch's laugh was soft and warm. “Are you in bed?”

“Hmmhm.”

“What are you wearing?”

“My purple panties--ah, ahahaaaa!” He laughed as the sensation sent shivers through his thighs. Ooze slid out and down his labia. That was quick. “That was one, I think.”

“One…? _Spence_.” Hotch laughed weakly. “Slow down, baby. I'm just getting started.”

The image of Hotch in bed with his cock in hand slammed into his head. Reid licked suddenly dry lips. “Oh?”

Hotch hummed affirmative. Reid maneuvered the device and gave a shuddering sigh. “It feels good but not like your tongue. It's impersonal but it does do the trick--ah!” He threw his head back and dropped the phone. His hips jerked a few times. He pulled the toy away, feeling tingles and throbs without it. Enough ooze now to slide down his ass crack.

“Spence? Spence?” Hotch's tiny voice from the pillows reminded Reid of the phone. He picked it up. “Two.”

Soft swears answered him. “Remind me to get you drunk more often.”

He giggled and lowered the setting on the toy. The hum decreased by half and pulsated. His sensitive clit ached between the delicious pushes. Reid groaned. “We should do anal sometime.”

Senseless affirmatives answered that. Hotch really liked the idea but didn't currently have facilities of speech. Reid rolled over to hump the toy against the mattress. That felt really cool. “I'm so ready for it. I want to let you inside of me, Aaron. I care about you so much.”

“Me too, Spence. Me too.”

“Aaron. I love you.” His lifted off the toy, and the low hum of it was lost beneath the blankets and his thundering heartbeat and his boyfriend’s sensual moans. The man went weirdly silent. Reid felt a blip of worry. “Was I wrong to say it on the phone first?”

A choking cough answered him. Oh. Reid flared red. It wasn't silence, it was ejaculation. Hotch had the tendency to hold his breath and finish quietly with these full body quakes that were very fun.

Sound rushed him over the phone. “I love you too, Spencer. So much. On the phone--i don't care. Doesn't matter. I feel the same.”

He gulped. His knees slid apart, lowering him back onto the toy. The pulses jumped up into his stomach. He started shaking. “Aaron.”

“I'm here. What number are you on? Three?”

Reid answered with a whine. Three was going to be _big._ Tears escaped his tight eyes. He choked and stuttered from the acute pleasure. Overload. That was what this was. Pure physical and emotional overload.

He squealed and his voice broke with him, a consuming flutter of fire that lifted him totally off the bed, up onto his elbows and toes. Then he collapsed in a fetal position. Fumbled the switch on the toy. Panted into the phone. “Oh wow.”

“That sounded so beautiful.”

They traded their feelings, and Reid, for the sake of proper summarization, explained what positions he had taken with the toy and which he had liked best. They talked about trading i love yous for the first time on the phone like that. Wasn't new for Reid. So far that was actually the norm. Hotch loved that and loved him. He kept saying it. “I love you, Spencer.”

He fell asleep. When sunlight woke Reid seven hours later, he had a headache and foggy memories of how he ended up on his bed, above the covers, in just his panties. The vibrator lay beside him. The cell phone was lost in the pillows. He retrieved it and checked the battery.

The call was still open. Almost nine straight hours. Balking, Reid put it to his ear. He heard faint sounds. “Aaron? Hello?”

Nothing. He looked at the time stamp. Seemed a shame to just hang up now, after so long. He tried again. “Aaron?”

“Good morning.” Hotch's voice sounded velvety and wide awake. It roused Reid completely and he rolled to the edge of the bed to start his day.

His bare feet just hit the floor when a knock at the door echoed through the phone. Reid laughed. “Is that…?”

He hurried to his front door, peeked through the peephole, and undid the locks. Hotch stood in his usual black suit, a tray of coffees in hand, phone at his ear. His eyes raked over him and filled with the sparkle of a smile. “Last night was incredible.”

Reid grinned. “It really was.”

Hotch lowered the phone, ended the call, and slid it into his breast pocket. Still in just panties, Spencer put his phone on the table by his keys.

The perfect man on his door mat moved then, swinging the tray of coffees out of the way and scooping an arm around Reid's bare waist, dragging him into a kiss.

He smelled of aftershave and tasted of mouthwash and his dark eyes glittered with happy abandon when their mouths parted. Their hips stayed together. Reid leaned into it, loving the bracing feeling of the arm looping around his ribs.

“Too bad the skin and panties look is in violation of office dress code,” Hotch said in his lower wicked voice.

Reid blushed, realizing he could have at least put on a robe before answering his front door. He was grateful when Hotch closed it behind him. He backed up toward the bedroom. “I'll be ready in a minute.”

“No hurry,” Hotch put the coffee on the table and followed as he walked backwards, caught his hands as they passed through the bedroom door. “I set my watch to significant someone time.”

Only now did Reid actually look at his clock. Yep. Plenty of time before they were due in for work. He stopped walking backwards and let himself be caught up in another great kiss.

“It _killed_ me that I couldn't just jump in the car and come over here last night.”

“I was drunk. I shouldn't have--”

“I'm glad you did. I meant what I said; it was incredible. But next time you're drunk, just have the Uber drop you off at my place okay?”

Reid giggled. “I wouldn't want to wake Jack.”

“We wouldn't.” Hotch punctuated the promise with a sweet kiss.

In an overwhelming rush, it all washed over Reid--years of harboring a silly crush while struggling to self identify culminated _somehow_ into this sublime moment. Right body. Perfect man. So much love he could burst. So much _luck_ it didn't feel real.

How could a recovering narcotics addict with difficulties understanding social cues and no genitalia end up with _Aaron Hotchner_ holding him like this, looking at him like this?

He lost his breath and needed a minute so he put his face in Hotch’s neck and just held on. He couldn't help it when his whole frame shook. Arms clad in a crisp business shirt tightened around him. “Hm?”

“Just… can't believe my luck,” Reid whispered. He pulled away and surprised himself when he sniffed wetly. He kept his eyes trained on the floor. “I never expected anyone would actually want my body but me.”

“Sweethea--”

“But it turns out the one person that does? Is the one person I prayed it would be.”

He dared to look up. Found achingly soft eyes gazing into him. Hotch took his hand, but allowed him the personal space he had taken.“Spencer,” he kissed a knuckle. “You're the answer to my prayers, too.”

“Um,” his voice cracked. “I have to get ready.” He took his hand back, turned and hurried to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He felt shaky. Overwhelmed.

His words had more than one meaning. He needed to get ready--not just for work but for the world offered to him in Hotch’s eyes. A life of partnership, love, amazing sex, and family…

 

Hotch waited in the kitchen, leaning on the counter. He deliberately breathed evenly to calm down. He had hoped to knock out a quickie before work, and Reid answering the door with sex rumpled hair, wet lips, in nothing but tiny purple panties had gotten things started.

But judging by the less than subtle escape into the bathroom just now, Reid needed a little room to process things. Perfectly understandable. This thing between them certainly rocked Hotch more than he had been prepared for. Hence the controlled breathing. And for Spencer it was coming right on the heels of a _major_ change.

He didn't want to mess this up.

Reid emerged. In black slacks and a silky black vest over a patterned pink shirt, he looked for all the world like the same lanky brainiac with struggling poet hair, pillowy lips and expressive eyes. The strap of his messenger bag crossed his chest and he gripped it with both hands.

Hotch’s heart melted at the sight. He'd been immediately fond of the genius from the moment they met. And over the years that fondness had grown as he watched the younger man overcome one adversity after the next, and now… Now Hotch was _sure_ he'd never been a part of anything so special, so precious. With the exception of fatherhood…

He wished with every fiber of his being they could ditch work and spend the day in bed. He wanted to say so, but he didn't. Reid seemed to need things to simmer down a little.

In the car, Reid took Hotch’s hand. “Before you, the only person I ever loved like this? She died before…  Before we could… So I've never had something so powerful--so _real_ \--and after last night--”

“I know,” Hotch cut in softly. He squeezed the hand in his. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Last night you were drunk and feeling uninhibited and it was on the phone which offers a measure of security.... Whatever you said that you wanted--just know I don't take it to be any kind of contract, okay? You're not locked into doing something just because you mentioned it in the heat of passion. I'm not going to pressure you.”

He could tell by the way Reid rolled his lips and looked down at his lap that he had hit the nail square on the head. But, hey, trained profiler. If nothing else he knew how to read people. Especially a close friend of ten plus years turned lover.

“I've done penetration with others before,” Reid said softly. “I liked it… but I guess the thought of doing it with you? I'm afraid of feeling _too_ _much_...”

“Hey,” Hotch kissed the back of the hand he held. “Oral, frottage, hand stuff, phone sex. These things work for me. No pressure. We take it slow.”

Hotch glanced from the road to see Reid's wide open, astonished expression. “How can you be so amazing?”

“It's real love when it's selfless. I just want you to be comfortable.”

“And I want you to be satisfied.”

“I am.”

“You _will_ be. I just need time. It's extremely new, the way you look at me and touch me and change your voice just for me… Takes getting used to. You're a very intense man, Aaron.”

The rearview mirror caught the reflection of a crooked grin/grimace. “So I've been told.”

“I love you,” Reid said outright in the kind of rush it implied he'd done it on pure nerve. First time ever said romantically not on the phone.

Hotch’s heart fluttered and he felt like smiling and singing and dancing and running all at once and so intensely it resembled the urge to cry. “I love you, too.”

When he'd glided into his parking space and they exited the car, Hotch stopped Reid before he stepped too far. (Six feet away from his personal car was, in Hotch’s mind, Work Zone. Anything under that was still personal time.) “Feel free to say no if you need to maintain space for equilibrium. But I'd very much like it if you came home with me tonight. Slept over.”

God, what a beautiful blush. Hotch thought he would never be bored if he could grow old evoking this blush regularly. “Jack will be there?”

“He goes to bed at nine. We won't wake him.”

“What if I just want to cuddle?”

Hotch grit his teeth, and laughed but said diplomatically. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Spencer scoffed, reading Hotch’s sexual frustration as easily as Hotch had read Reid’s sexual hang ups. “Stop being so selfless. _Ask_ for what you want.”

“I am asking. For you to stay the night with me at my place.”

Reid smiled. “Okay. Yes. I'll be there.”

Naturally, plans never work out so simply. A case sent them to Texas. And it wasn't a quick wrap up, either. Before they knew it, the team divided up to share hotel rooms on a government budget and because it had long been the norm for Hotch and Rossi to pair up leaving Reid with Morgan, it happened that way. Hotch hadn't had the nerve to toss out a bogus reason to shake it up. Reid didn't toss one out either.

They traded a longing goodnight look from across the hall when no one was looking. As Hotch unpacked his bag, his phone buzzed. A text, from Reid’s personal cell phone which was a number now saved under _Boyfriend_ to keep their secret from prying eyes.

<3 miss you.

He looked up from the phone, still grinning, and caught Rossi giving him a knowing look. The Italian raised his greying eyebrows. “Am I wrong to assume you have a new flame you're missing out on by being here?”

“Yes. But it’s the job, right?”

“Does he or she appreciate that it's an aspect of your work that won't be changing long term? Or is it even something worthy of that question?”

“It’s worthy. And he knows what he's signing up for.”

Rossi grunted. “So did my second wife. Supposedly.”

Hotch made no further comment. He knew Rossi meant well with the passive warning. Dropping into the bed, he texted, _ <3 crave you _.

 

In the room across the hall, Reid heard his phone buzz on the bedside table just as he stepped into the bathroom. Morgan chuckled. “Well, well, Pretty Ricky has a boyfriend that _craves_ him.”

“Stop reading my private texts,” Reid said only half heartedly. Knowing that Hotch’s number was saved under _Boyfriend_ , he wasn't worried about his teammate catching onto anything. He exited the bathroom in pajamas.

“Hey, innocent observer here,” Morgan said from where he sat against his headboard. “The phone lit up. The text showed on the lock screen. You know you can set it not to do that.”

“It's a new phone. Haven't gotten to it yet.”

“So this guy--he digs it? The whole castration thing?”

“He craves it.” Reid said, wagging the phone.

“I mean nothing by it, but damn, dude, it horrifies me to even think about getting Chopped.”

Reid chuckled. “That's because you're cis male.”

“So you _hated_ having a penis?”

“No. I was utterly indifferent to it.”

“Doesn't exactly strike me as a reason to just slice it clean off and throw it away, man. But to each his own.”

A light snort was all Reid cared to give that statement. It was late and he really didn't have the energy to get into it right now. Morgan took the hint and let it go. “Yeah, whatever. I'll let you text kissy faces to the boyfriend. What's his name again?”

The trick almost worked-- _almost._ Reid opened his mouth to reply _Aaron_ but caught himself just in time. A huge smile broke across his face. “That works on suspects, but not me.”

“But I don't get it. Why can't I even get a name? Why is his number coded boyfriend all secret like?”

He rolled his lips, unable to devise an immediate answer. Morgan was quick to catch it, too. His dark eyes glinted. “It's someone I know. Damn--it’s Hotch isn't it?”

Reid laughed outright. “How did you guess?”

Morgan flung his head forward and slapped his knees, vaulting from the bed. “Oh man, I knew it! I knew you two have had a thing for each other. _I knew it._ ”

“Does anyone else know?”

Morgan bumped his shoulders. “I don't know. I've never brought it up with anyone if that's what you're asking. It was just a passing observation on my part. Hard to pick up on. I nearly missed it.”

“What gave it away?”

“Honestly? It was just an instinct I had. Your crush is super obvious. His not so much. Mostly it was the fact that he wasn't doing anything to curb your crush. If he really didn't care, as your boss, he would have spoken to you about it and you would have checked yourself. He liked it, so he allowed it. So when you say I know this guy, you and me have very few mutual acquaintances. It could only be the guy you like at work.”

Reid blushed. “Super obvious? Really?”

“No worries. We get it. Hotch is a standard American wet dream. Just like me. If I were the slightest bit inclined…”

“We were waiting for my nullification to die down before telling anyone.”

“What for?”

Reid shrugged. “Hopefully to avoid so many questions? You learn your friend cut off his penis and started dating your other friend and the first thing you want to know is what the sex is like. This way, everyone accepts the facts separately and we aren't bombarded.”

“Ah. That makes sense. You're right. If I hadn't had time to go home and research nullos then I'd be busting with inquiries. Now I know it's all pretty standard and none of my damn business.”

Reid wrinkled his nose with a huge grin. “Don't tell anyone yet?”

“Yeah, man. You have my word.”

“Thanks.”

 

Hotch caught one discreet, knowing look from Morgan the following morning. Reid had relayed the profiler’s astute guess during their pillow texting, so he was at least prepared for it. What he didn't expect was the excitement, swirled with pride, that surged to the back of his throat. Words nearly spilled onto his tongue but he swallowed them. He would have to gush later, in private.

It felt good to have it known. No wonder Reid had initiated phone sex after his night with the girls. Other people knowing of this romance made it even sweeter. Hotch hoped Reid felt comfortable revealing it soon.

Work took precedence for the day, and the case turned out to be a surprising one. The killer was smart enough to catch them off guard. He could have gotten away but he opted for a standoff. He revealed himself to brag about his long killing spree.

Hotch hated looking into the barrel of a gun. That was never a good day.

He thought of Jack. Then his eyes cut to Reid and his stomach hurt even worse.

The doctor was trapped in a corner with Rossi holding him back. There was a vicious fire in his eye, akin to a wild animal. Reid was ready to tackle a man almost three times his size. Hotch outright ordered him,

“Reid. Don't.”

He didn't want to listen. Fortunately, Rossi held him back.

They tried negotiation but that turned out to be pointless. The killer had no intention of going to jail, but also no intention to die. A slave to warring instincts, the man tried to run and shoot at the same time. His bullet missed by several feet. Rossi’s hit the bullseye.

Just like that it was finally over.

“ _Oh god!”_ Reid cried. His long pale face personified relief.

Hotch thanked the powers that be as it settled more heavily on him. His continued existence had been on the line. A little patience on the killer's end and that bullet could have stopped his heart.

Reid rushed forward. Thick tears sprang to his eyes and his lower lip wobbled. That little tremble drove it home to Hotch.

For the second time, Reid had stood helpless while the love of his life faced down a gun. For the second time, he heard a gunshot meant for the person he cared most about. The only difference here was that fickle thing called Lady Luck. Or maybe it was pre-destiny. Hotch could never decide which.

All that mattered was that Hotch wasn't the only one having a really bad day here.

He scooped Reid into a tight hug. The doctor broke down, a deep wail into his shoulder bespoke the true terror that had gripped him. It caused Hotch’s throat to close and he grit his teeth.

“We’re okay,” he murmured, his hand cradling the back of Reid’s head. “We're okay.”

“I can’t lose you, too.”

“You didn't.”

“I thought it was going to happen again. I thought I would lose the best thing to ever happen right when it has barely started--again.”

He thought of Maev and then Haley and for several resounding seconds the dark evils of the world swirled around them. Hotch clung to Reid as much to anchor as to protect. This world was so vast and rotten, it was really a miracle they had each other.

“I'm here. I'm right here.”

“Uh. Hello? What the hell am I looking at?” Rossi asked out of sight. Hotch’s entire vision was Reid's frizzy hair and watercolor dreams of what they've had and could still have because he was _alive_.

“Seriously.” Rossi bitched. “Am I losing my touch or is this out of the blue?”

“Losing your touch, old man.” Morgan teased, arriving at the scene out of breath and pleased with what he found. “I figured these two out _hours ago_.”

“Cute. Real cute.”

“Ohhh,” Emily arrived with JJ, taking in the dead suspect and the boss cradling a sobbing doctor. “Is he okay?”

“He will be. Thanks,” Hotch said. Reid shifted his face against his shoulder, drying his eyes. Then he pressed his mouth against Hotch’s shirt and spoke as his arms tightened even more. “I love you.”

This opened Hotch’s lips in a real smile. “I know.”

Reid gusted hot breath and grinned in an attempt to lighten the mood, but his voice cracked. “Han Solo.”

Damn if that wasn't the best part of this whole thing. Love plus genuinely appreciated Star Wars references felt like winning the lottery twice. He laughed and kissed Reid's temple, aware of the spotlight he stood in.

“We’re in trouble.”

The doctor straightened up like a guilty kid caught sneaking candy. He turned to face the team. His lips curled up in an impish grin. “So… everyone. This is my boyfriend, Aaron.”

“Are you _kidding_?” JJ demanded. “He’s the…” her eyebrows went up as her voice went down. “He's the guy?”

Reid blushed. Emily chortled. “Wow. That's awesome.” Her head tilted to the right and she looked Hotch up and down. “Wow…”

Hotch smacked his lips. “Okay. We still have work to do.”

Their true professionalism snapped right back into place and they closed the case and boarded the jet to go home. Hotch made himself blind to the various Looks traded here or there among the others. This was all part of the interoffice romance deal. There will be Looks, and in this job, there will be intense situations made worse by wrought emotion.

But as proven today, this team could handle it.

Hotch hung back to board last with Reid. The freedom to do so put a small spring in his step, despite the pressure chamber he was walking into. Rossi in particular was going to have plenty to say.

“Ready?”

Reid's lips stretched in a wide, toothless grin. He took Hotch's hand and nodded.

 

Aaron’s room smelled like him. A small modest space. A big bed with dark blue sheets and a matching comforter. Sleek black side tables. A small flat screen TV on the wall over a low bookcase. The open closet showed rows of suits and neatly folded shirts.

But Spencer’s favorite thing of all was Aaron in bleached stained, baggy sweatpants, a threadbare t-shirt, and a smile. He stepped out of the bathroom. Locking eyes even from across the room gave Spencer tingles up his spine.

Stripped down to a pair of plain white casual panties, Spencer sat against the headboard on top of the covers. Aaron climbed to stand in the middle of the bed on his knees, took hold of Spencer's ankles and pulled him bodily down the bed, right up under him. Spencer laughed as he went, enjoying the rush.

They kissed. Aaron’s hands ran up his ribs and arms, then pinned his hands above his head. Spencer pulled his lips away to catch his breath and slow down a little. He wasn't sure he would ever get used to being so helpless against his feelings for this man. The entire thing--from loving him to keeping him--was out of his control.

One look from Aaron was all it took. He spoke softly, his lips hovering over Spencer’s.

“I wish I can tell you what happened today will never happen again.”

“It's the job.”

“I hate to think of leaving you or Jack but the reality is, it can happen. You can lose me. Or I can lose you.”

“Are you saying you want to discuss quitting?”

“It's what I'm good at and knowing what I know, I'd never be able to just keep my head down and pretend killers aren't out there hidden in plain sight. So no, I don't want to quit. And I don't want you to quit.” He kissed Spencer soft and sweet. “So what I'm going to do is make sure that every moment we do have isn't wasted.”

Spencer grinned. “Good.”

Aaron brushed his fingers up and down Spencer's arm. His eyes glittered. He grinned in that way he did when he felt free enough not to have to school his expression. It took years off him. He laughed, and moved a little closer. Tucked a strand of hair behind an ear and then caressed that ear. “You're so damn beautiful, Reid.”

“I--” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat and looked down at Aaron’s chest rather into his eyes. “I actually _feel_ beautiful. Here like this. With you.”

Aaron turned him and spooned up behind him, whispered near his ear, “I hope you feel loved, too.”

“So much.”

“I can't believe my luck!” Aaron laughed. “I meant it, you know. When I said you're an answer to my prayers, too. Everything with Haley fell apart. The job broke it. She said I had to chose and as much as I loved her, I couldn't choose her. But now… things with you…”

“We can't break like that. Because I'm never going to make you choose.”

“That's why I feel so blessed. My career, which I love, isn't going to drive you, another thing I love, away. The two parts don't fight each other. They are the same thing.”

“Promise me from now on we’ll always share a room when we have to stay out of town overnight.”

“I promise.”

“Feels so good just to lay next to you. It's almost all I'll ever need for the rest of my life.”

“Almost?” Aaron asked and the intrigued lift at the end of his voice said he had a notion to what Spencer referred.

Biting his lip, Spencer answered by pushing a hand down between his legs. The low growl and biting kiss was all part of that new Aaron that Spencer needed to get used to experiencing. The animal. The hungry alpha.

They were primal this time; pure instinct as bodies followed hearts and two became one.

Boney chest heaving, nostrils flaring, hair a mess, Reid spread himself as soon as Hotch pulled out. Just to feel how loose and used the wet hole was. He grinned.

“How do you feel?”

“Amazing.”

Hotch’s grin wouldn't have been out of place in a summer camp with mischief afoot. “What are your thoughts on second marriages?”

Reid stopped fingering himself in total shock. He looked wide eyed at his boyfriend. His voice came out small. “What?”

“Honestly. Tell me your opinion. Am I husband material or just too much of an agent to pull it off?”

Chest tight, Reid tried to think, tried to speak. “Aaron. You're _so intense_.”

He actually looked apologetic. Reid hurried to add, “That's because you're both: a good Agent and, yeah, I believe you can be a good husband… That's a lot for one person to take.”

“Will you take it?”

A dead silence followed this, without even air in either set of lungs. Hotch twitched against the pillow, slight movement towards Reid.

“Will you take me as a husband, Spencer?”

Blinking rapidly, Reid gulped and nodded and ended up wrapped tightly in Hotch's arms, crying against his shoulder.

“Yes? That's a yes?”

Finally, he got his voice back enough to croak, “Yeah--Aaron--i want that.”

Hotch laughed to the ceiling of his bedroom. The sound reverberated off the walls. No words, yet somehow it was a thank you and not at Reid.

Reid lay on top of Hotch and radiated his own thank you. Unlike Hotch’s instinct to throw it outwards to the sky, Reid directed his into the darkest, deepest, eternal part of his soul. He would never finish giving thanks for this.

In whispers and soft touches, they discussed the future. A memo showed up on a superior’s desk soon after; a brief announcement of the engagement with multiple citations on how the team can handle it and it should not affect their duties in the field. Then, together they brought the happy news to their friends.

“We’re not wasting a minute.”

  
_Fin._


End file.
